Shooting the Moon
by Sidra Elf
Summary: Imagine having a beast inside you, fighting to get out. Imagine being scared that it will. Imagine being terrified of the moon. The life of Remus.J.Lupin, a story of love, friendship, pain and betrayal. SiriusRemus. (discontinued, please read author's not
1. The Boy Who Never Smiles

Chapter 1 – The Boy Who Never Smiles

Disclaimer: I own the plot, the whole plot and nothing but the plot.

_A/N: First of all: thanks a million to my new beta Ceanen! You've been great darling! Love you lots! _

_Secondly: to all those enlightened enough to be reading my story (yeah right!) thank you very much, I hope you enjoy it. Please leave a review when you're done, you can email me if you want. I promise to love you forever if you do! Remember that an objective, fair critique is the most helpful. But adoring fan mail is good too!  And another thing, if you think you recognise any part of this from another fic, please forgive me, it wont be intentional. I have read MANY wonderful Marauder fics, the best among them being _**_Cœur de Loupe _**_by **Lady Jaida.**_ _Go check it out; it's brilliant, honestly. I swear it was my inspiration, although this tale will be very different. Well, that's enough rambling for now! But do be sure to stroke my ego by commenting, please! _

 Albus Dumbledore, Headmaster of Hogwarts school of Witchcraft and Wizardry sipped daintily at his tea, apparently unaware of the fact that he had just thrown the lives of three people into an uproar. 

 "Well," he said, standing up, "I must be going. Thank you so much for the tea. Irish breakfast, I believe." 

 The younger man rose as well, staring his uninvited guest in the eye with a brand of pride that comes naturally to those who have little and hate being pitied. 

 "No, thank _you… _for coming," he said politely, shaking the proffered hand, "we will think about what you said."

 "Of course. The decision is yours, and," he paused, "Remus'. Do let me know if you will be satisfied with the arrangements! I'll show myself out." 

 As he walked past, he winked one bright blue eye at the young boy standing in the hallway.

*

 "…So you can go to Hogwarts, even though… despite your condition," finished Jean Lupin with some relief. There was pregnant pause, in which the two older occupants of the room watched their son nervously.

 "Well?" Amélie asked at last, "Do you want to go?"

 "I don't know," said Remus, his eyes carefully blank. Even so, his mother saw that for a moment before he composed himself, he looked lost. Her husband sighed, knowing they would get nothing more out of him.

 "You can go then Remus," he said gently. As soon as the boy left the room, his shoulders sagged visibly. 

 "What are we going to do, Amélie? He won't talk to us. I don't know if he even can anymore!" 

 Amélie crouched down before the man she had married, taking his face in her hands and meeting his despairing gaze. She never lost hope; the word despair simply wasn't in her vocabulary. She smiled, her dark blue eyes regarding him evenly. 

 "We will send him to Hogwarts," she said in her soft tones, her voice still unmistakeably French, "and this man Dumbledore will look after him. He is the most powerful wizard in the world." 

 Jean nodded almost imperceptibly, then leaned forward, burying his hands in her hair and his face in her neck. 

 "I'm so sorry," he breathed as she slipped her arms around his shoulders, and his voice was laced with grief, "I should never have married you. It's all my fault, and I can't do anything about it."

 "No one can blame a man for what his family does," she said, her voice uncommonly stern as she felt his tears on her neck, "and you weren't the only one who participated in our marriage. I was fully aware of what I was doing."

 "Of course," Jean sighed, and she knew he was smiling. "Remus will go to Hogwarts. And we will have hope."

*

 As Remus entered Diagon Alley his keen senses were assaulted by a barrage of sounds, sights and smells. Witches and wizards coursed through the street and in the shops, many of them wearing long, colourful robes and carrying various parcels and objects that were completely different from anything that could be seen in the rest of London.

 Although he had grown up knowing of magic and the wizarding world, the boy had experienced little of it, and over the past years he had almost forgotten it existed. Dumbledore's visit had brought snippets of memory to the surface, such as images of sweeping the floor unaided, talking mirror and faces appearing in grates. Now, surrounded by magical phenomena, a little more had come flooding back, although he was unsure of what was real and what he had read or heard. But when memories have been buried for a long time, it isn't always easy to resurrect them, especially if they bring great pain.

*

 Jean watched his son carefully as they visited Gringotts Bank and made their way through the various shops buying robes and equipment. However, the boy's face remained devoid of any emotion, except for a flicker of longing in the bookshop. Jean immediately bought Remus every book he showed any interest in, but only ten minutes later the young werewolf had returned to his normal state of indifference. Frustration welled up bitter as bile within the tired man as he longed desperately to find something that would make his child feel.

*

 Dust filled Remus' lungs as he stepped into a dingy, dimly lit shop. The walls were lined with shelf upon shelf of unmarked rectangular boxes, haphazardly strewn about, with no system of organisation evident. 

 "Can I be of some help?" said a voice that sounded as dusty as the room itself. 

 "Mr Ollivander?" asked Jean, "I am looking for a wand for my son."

 The man nodded thoughtfully, stepping closer to take a look at Remus, peering keenly into the boy's eyes, as if he were looking for some mark or sign.

 "Indeed, Mr …?"

 "Lupin." The younger man supplied.

 "Aha. Bear with me, I have just the thing." The strange man retreated and began rooting in a haphazard pile of boxes, humming tunelessly as he worked. 

 "Hhhmmm, haaaaaa, hhhmmm, yes, here it is!" he turned around, tossing aside a box, and handed Remus a dark wooden rod, about a foot long and tapering at one end. 

 "Yew, 13 inches, and the core," he paused, his dark eyes unreadable, "werewolf hair."

 The boy shuddered involuntarily; tightly clutching the wand, and jumping when coloured sparks shot from the end. 

 Ollivander smiled. "Oh yes," he said, "that's the one. Wave it about a bit."

 Remus did as the man said, bringing his arm up and around in a smooth arc. A strange sensation shot through him like electricity leaving him reeling, and something stirred in the depths of his mind. He felt excited, although he barely recognized the emotion. 

 Jean saw the look in Remus' wide eyes, and felt a sudden, powerful surge of gratitude and relief. With it came a spark of hope, swelling despite his best efforts to ignore it. Perhaps he had been wrong all along. Perhaps Hogwarts and magic was the key to his son's future.

*

 Platform 9 ¾ materialised rapidly before Remus, while witches, wizards and confused Muggle relatives alike bustled around him, pushing laden trolleys and staggering under the weight of large parcels, while sounds of yelled greetings and tearful farewells rang in his ears.

 Lupin tugged his boy gently around to face him and knelt to button up the front of his jacket.

 "You don't have to go Rem," he said quietly, "no one is making you."

 "I know Dad. But," he paused, his face working "I think I want to go." 

 His father nodded mutely; stunned by the fact that Remus had voiced an emotion. Standing up, he pushed the trolley over to the train, and clapped his hand down on the child's shoulder, forcing a smile to hide his discomfort and sadness. He thought of how his wife had said goodbye to their son at the house, embracing him and kissing his forehead, but no such affectionate farewell came to Jean, and Remus didn't seem to expect it. 

"Have a good time son, be careful" he said, his voice hoarse.

 Remus nodded and turned, hauling the trunk after him, the moneybag pinned to the inside of his coat bouncing against his chest oddly comforting. He felt his father's eyes following him, and heard him yell "Write to us Remus!" just before he disappeared inside the train.

*

 Remus sat staring out of the window, his elbow on the narrow arm of the seat, chin cupped in his hand. He had managed to drag the trunk into an empty compartment and push it under the bench he was now perched upon. He had already removed his jacket in favour of his new school robes, and he absently wandered what Hogwarts would be like. Even now he could feel his wand in his pocket, reminding him what he was. He was a wizard, yes, but also a beast. Would that be visible to the other students?

 His train of thought was interrupted as the door opened violently, and two boys burst in, turning around to peer out into the corridor from which they had come. They didn't seem to notice that someone was there already, and after glancing at them once, Remus looked away again. He was used to being in the background. 

*

 When the boys turned to sit down, they saw that one of the seats was occupied already. A smallish boy with shaggily cut honey blond hair, obviously a first year, was staring idly out of the window, apparently oblivious to their presence, because he jumped when one of them approached him. The boy had silky black locks that just brushed the back of his neck, and dark, sparkling blue eyes looked out from a handsome face. He seemed to radiate charm and cheer.

 "Hello," he said, "do you mind if we sit down? All the other carriages were full." Without waiting for a reply he flopped down onto the seat opposite Remus, smiling disarmingly. "I'm Sirius by the way. And this is James."

 The other boy sat down with a nod. He too had black hair, but it was shorter and stuck out from his head untidily, giving him the appearance of someone who had just got out of bed. 

 "Hi," he said cordially, regarding Remus with dark, mischievous brown eyes partially hidden by glasses, "James Potter. Who are you?" 

 Just then the train lurched into movement. They were off. 

 If Remus had known anything about the rules of society, he might have realised he had been silent far longer than was normal, and he didn't even notice that both boys were looking at him with odd expressions. 

 "I'm Remus Lupin," the young wizard replied at last, gazing at the two newcomers with unabashed blankness, although he didn't seem in the least sullen. 

 James was busy trying to work out whether this quiet boy was simple, strange or just rude, when the door to the compartment slid open again, and a plump, sandy-haired face wearing an apologetic expression looked in. 

 "Um, sorry, can I come in?" he stuttered, sounding as if he were on the verge of tears, " It's just that I couldn't find anywhere else." 

 And so this newest addition to the carriage, who went by the name of Peter Pettigrew, was brought in, comforted, and introduced. Only moments after, a tiny witch came round wielding a little trolley loaded with all kinds of wizard snacks, and the boys managed to coax Remus into buying some with them. Soon, although Remus wasn't quite sure how it had happened, they were feasting on Pumpkin Pasties and Bertie Bott's Every Flavour Beans. He was inexplicably included in everything, for although he barely said a word and, despite Sirius' best efforts didn't smile once, he seemed eager to learn and please. It was a new experience for him, and he hadn't yet decided whether it was a pleasant one or not.

 It also seemed that his schooling had already started, for he learned a lot on that train. He discovered, among many things, that in wizard photos the subjects could move, and that stories of witches on broomsticks were by no means unfounded. However, these revelations didn't completely surprise him; again he felt he could almost remember having known it all before. 

 As he listened to Sirius and James as they discussed Quidditch and talked about the four houses at Hogwarts, Remus felt strange.  Having blocked out all emotion for so long, he didn't realise he was puzzled, and slightly resentful. How could he be a wizard, with magical parents, end up living as a Muggle and not knowing anything about his world? But almost as soon as the thought entered his mind, it was banished, and he found himself sucked back into the conversation. To them, Gryffindor House was the most desirable, and Slytherin the least so. They went on to talk of famous wizarding families and events, flooding Remus with new information. He found himself wondering what life at Hogwarts would be like for a young werewolf. 


	2. A Statue and A Castle

Chapter 2 – A Statue and a Castle

Disclaimer: I own the plot, the whole plot, and nothing but the plot.

A/N: Hello dear readers! I hope you are all well. Again I would like to send a big kiss to my beta Ceanen. :) Thanks babe! 

 I suppose that now the Order of the Phoenix is out this fic is technically an AU. I wrote these characters (James, Peter, Sirius, Remus, Severus and Lily) how I thought they would be, and that doesn't quite concur with the way Rowling portrays them when we see what they were like at school. From the beginning I had planned to write them as being cruel to Severus, but I never imagined them being as horrible as J.K made them out to be. So I will continue the way I started, because to me it seems that the characters I am writing would have grown up to be the ones in the book. I hope you can recognise them too. Anyway…Onward! Please leave a review to let me know what you think. =D

***

  At last the train came to a lurching halt, and Remus followed the three boys out of the carriage and onto a platform, unlit but for the bright glow of the moon and stars. Suddenly the world seemed strange, hostile and unfamiliar, all the sights and sounds distorted and offensive. Remus had no idea of where he was or what he was doing there, and although he knew his name, he couldn't remember who he was. Then someone in the crowd bumped roughly against him, and with a start he was brought back to reality and realised that he couldn't see his travelling companions. Feeling bewildered and disorientated, the werewolf looked up to find an older boy watching him. He was tall and very handsome, in a cold, sharp way. His hair was an impossibly pale silver-blond, his eyes a steely grey, and his skin alabaster. Standing there in the moonlight, he looked rather like a fine statue, his features perfectly sculpted and hard as marble. He was poised with his arms crossed over his chest and his cruelly beautiful mouth twisted into a sneer, which Remus, with his poor knowledge of facial expressions, couldn't understand. All he knew was that it affected him like a blow to the midriff, and left him feeling physically sick and dizzy. But then Sirius reappeared from the melee and grabbed Remus' arm, and the statue came to life at once, whirling around to be lost in the crowd. 

 "Come on, or we'll get separated from the other first years!" Sirius urged, pulling his new companion away. Sirius didn't seem to have noticed the pale boy, so Remus followed him willingly and blindly. All awareness, as it frequently did, had retreated to some hidden depth, a place as yet uncharted by any living being. The strange encounter was for the moment forgotten, cast into the pile of buried memories already within his mind. 

*

 The site of a thousand burning torches reflected in bottomless black water brought Remus to life. He was in a boat with the three boys he had encountered on the train, and before him loomed his future. It was a great castle, magnificent and utterly terrifying. For a moment it seemed to Remus as if it was not a building, but an ancient, powerful creature, and something stirred deep within him, he almost identified it – 

 "Remus! Are you alright?" the words shattered any chance Remus might have had of interpreting what he felt, and the moment was irrevocably lost.

 "I'm fine, thank you," he replied, blinking at James in confusion.

 "Okay," said James carefully, "its just that you seemed a little distant." Remus didn't answer, but merely gazed at the castle, so his companion returned half-heartedly to the conversation concerning the hairy giant of a man who had led them to the boats. For the remainder of their trip across the lake, James carefully and guardedly observed the strange, golden-haired young wizard. There was something about the other boy that was hauntingly familiar, but the memory lurked stubbornly at the back of his mind, refusing to reveal itself.  

*

 Finally the magical boats reached the shore, and the first years clambered out, craning their necks to look up at the castle. Following the great, booming voice of the enormous man who had met them at the platform, they soon found themselves climbing the grand stone steps that lead to a huge double-door. Their guide, who had by now identified himself as Hagrid, thumped one great fist three times against the studded wood before suddenly blowing out the lantern he had been carrying. A crack of light appeared, and the doors swung inwards with a friendly creak. Without being told the children poured forward into a spacious entrance hall flooded with soft yellow light. As the doors closed behind them with the same sound, Remus noticed that Hagrid had disappeared, and rather easily for one so big.

 The first-years had hardly been there for a minute when a neat, authoritive voice caught their attention.

 "I am Professor McGonogall," said the owner of the voice, a stiff-looking young woman dressed in long scarlet robes and a black pointy hat, "Head of Gryffindor House. I teach Transfiguration here at Hogwarts. In a moment I will return to lead you through to the Great Hall, where you will be sorted into your different houses. They are Ravenclaw, Hufflepuff, Slytherin and Gryffindor, and it is an honour to be selected for any of them. Please make yourselves presentable." With that she turned and left through another huge door, which opened only enough to allow her passage.

 There was a buzz of chatter and a flurry of movement as the score or so of children nervously adjusted their robes and flattened their hair, all the while anxiously speculating on what was to come. No one seemed to actually know how students were sorted at Hogwarts, although there were some intimidating stories being passed around. It seemed like an age before Professor McGonogall finally returned.

 "Form a line and follow me," she said, "and quietly! The Sorting Ceremony will begin."

*

 There was an echoing swish of material as every head in the Great Hall turned simultaneously to face the arrival of the youngest students. With his sensitive nose Remus could smell the anxiety of his peers as they stared in awe at their surroundings. 

 The teachers sat at a long table at the farthest end of the hall, while the rest of the students sat at four larger tables, one for each house. The vast room was lit by countless candles that hung burning in the air and never melted down, and when Remus lifted his eyes further, he saw only open sky where a ceiling should have been. The night sky was cloudless, and the stars glittered coldly in the void. There was no sight of the moon to spoil Remus' calm as they followed McGonogall up to the front of the hall, where they stood in a line before the teachers' table, facing away from their professors. McGonogall disappeared to the side for a moment, then returned followed by a small, sour looking man bearing a stool. He put it down between the line of first-years and the four house tables, before stalking off. The Head of Gryffindor house then placed a ragged, floppy, once-black wizard's hat on the stool and retreated to the one end of the row of children with a scroll of parchment. The first-years just stared at the hat in stupefied confusion. What was such an unremarkable, scruffy object doing at the Sorting Ceremony in the Great Hall of the Hogwarts School for Witchcraft and Wizardry? Their amazement only increased when a rip near the brim of the hat opened like a mouth, and it began to sing. 


	3. important author's note!

Dearest Readers,

GUESS WHAT!

I'm going to continue 'Shooting the Moon'! I've already dusted up the first chapter and have nearly finished the second and third. I'm going to re-publish it as a new story (still with the same title) and delete the old one (now called Shooting the Moon the ancient version). I just thought I would notify you all in this way first, so you can start looking out for it! ;o) I hope you're all still out there and reading! Thanks all of you for taking the time to read and review the old story, I hope you like the new one as much! ;oD

Now, the thing is (you're gonna hate me!) I'm changing my username YET AGAIN!

I am now 'Laura the StorySpider' and I will re-publish the story, with improvements, under the same title, 'Shooting the Moon'.

Yours Sincerely!

Sidra elf (Laura the StorySpider)


End file.
